When Christmas Doesn’t Happen in December

Local Non-Christian Families Create New Traditions

By Suki Wessling

For the average American kid, December is all about Christmas. When are we going to get the tree? When are we going to decorate the tree? What is going to be under the tree? Will you let me open a present the night before?

The excitement is everywhere, promoted by the Christian background of a large percentage of our population, as well as the greedy pockets of our retailers. Some businesses run at a loss all year, then make it up in December. No matter how you look at it, Christmas is a big deal.

What do you do, then, if Christmas isn’t part of your heritage? It’s been a question that American families have been pondering for a century now, ever since German immigrants popularized the visits of Saint Nicholas, and all-American retailers saw dollar signs in the trend.

The celebration of some sort of holiday at the winter solstice (December 21st on our calendar) is common across all cultures that developed far enough from the equator for the solstice to matter. In fact, many of the traditions we associate with Christmas, a Christian tradition, have pre-Christian roots. The evergreen tree was used to symbolize the continuance of life in the desolate winters of the north. The burning of the Yule log symbolized bringing back the sun during the long, dark nights. Holly, ivy, and mistletoe were all deeply symbolic in pre-Christian religions.

But it’s hard to get away from the fact that Christmas, as practiced in modern America, is a Christian tradition. It’s particularly difficult for Jewish families, many of whom try to avoid Christmas celebrations entirely. As a result, Chanukah, which was a relatively unimportant holiday in the past, has become quite important to Jewish American families.
Alisun Thompson converted to Judaism when she married her husband, and as their children grew their December traditions evolved. “My goal is that they don’t feel that they miss out because they’re not Christian,” Alisun explains. “We were aware when the kids hit school age of the conflicting sides of not celebrating the dominant holiday.”

She and her husband had Chanukah celebrations with the kids, but at first she felt a conflict with her memories of Christmas. “I didn’t want to do the one gift per night—it felt anti-climactic to me,” she says of the holiday’s eight-night celebration. “Now I really appreciate how mellow and spread out that is, that there isn’t that mad rush.”
Like the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which also sometimes coincides with Christmas, Chanukah is set to a lunar calendar, and some years it takes place a month before Christmas. In times like these, Jewish parents have to get creative.

“One compromise we’ve made is doing a lot of light hanging,” Alisun explains. “We’ll often have people over on solstice. We’ll hang lights on trees outside, light our candles. If Chanukah happens during solstice we’ll get the menorah out and light lots of candles.”

Rabbi Paula Marcus of Temple Beth El suggests another way that non-Christian families can make the most of a holiday they don’t celebrate. “Some of our synagogue families have helped serve food in the homeless shelter on Christmas,” she explains. “We have also done a toy drive for kids who wouldn't get gifts on Christmas because their families can't afford to buy them. Focusing on being of service helps families address some of the commercial/material feelings that kids might have in comparing their religious traditions to others.”

Immigrants to the U.S. who come from non-Christian cultures sometimes find a way to work a secular Christmas into their traditional holidays. Jinsu Kim and Ken Murakami immigrated from Japan, where they didn’t celebrate Christmas. Now, they and their son incorporate Christmas into their traditions. “We celebrate Christmas a purely secular holiday devoted to the love of our children,” Jinsu explains. “Just like other Americans, we decorate a Christmas tree, exchange presents and send holiday greeting cards to our friends. But it is in anticipation of the New Year's holidays, which constitute the main holiday season for the Japanese. As soon as the Christmas celebration is over, we start preparing for the New Year's celebration.”

A good number of Santa Cruz families who choose not to celebrate Christian religious holidays, or who are trying to keep away from a heavily commercialized event, seem to prefer taking back the pre-Christian roots of December traditions. Many families that are moving away from the religion they were raised with, or who are seeking spirituality after being raised without a religion, choose the Winter Solstice as a logical celebration for modern families.

Lesley Morag Harrison has sought ways to express her spirituality far from her mixed Catholic/Protestant upbringing in South Africa. In her twenties, she joined the Hare Krishna movement, became a practicing Hindu, had two children, and blended her then-husband’s two children into her family. In her thirties, she discovered the Women’s Spirituality Movement (related to the Wiccan tradition).

She hadn’t been comfortable with her family’s Christmas traditions. “When I was a kid and when I found out that Santa wasn’t real, I thought, my parents have been lying to me,” Lesley explains. “And if they were lying to me about Santa… you know!”

In the celebration of Solstice, which falls on December 21 or 22, she found a solution that worked all around. Coming to the U.S., she noticed, “there’s so much pressure around the holidays. While everyone was doing that last five days of frantic shopping, we were done. Everything that comes with that materialistic thing about Christmas didn’t come into play with my kids.”

Lesley’s daughter, now 17, attended kindergarten in Scotts Valley, where Lesley remembers having to educate her daughter’s teacher about the pre-Christian meaning of the “Christmas” tree. After that, her children mostly went to Monarch (an alternative school), and her family’s spirituality was supported by the school community.

The ways that families develop their own traditions are affected by the dominant culture, but become a deeply personal aspect of their lives. Families that don’t celebrate an overwhelming cultural force like Christmas find a way to fulfill their children’s need for celebration, and thus integrate their own traditions into the greater culture.

Rabbi Paula emphasizes how much our December holidays have in common. “I think it's important for all of us to teach our kids that even though mainstream consumer culture has shifted the focus of these holidays (Chanukah included), there is a deeper spiritual message that has to do with bringing in the sacred and sharing the miracles of life with our families and friends.”


Suki Wessling is a local writer, publisher, and the mother of two children.